Warriors For Sale, BASM Willing To Put Up 2 G's, Offer Rescinded

Lots of chatter over the past few days about Chris Cohan actively seeking a buyer for his 80% majority share of the Golden State Warriors. About damn time, I'd say. Here are some tasty nuggets from Cohan's Wiki entry that effectively sum up his tenure:

"Cohan's tenure as owner of the Warriors has been highlighted with the longest playoff drought of any team in NBA history. From 1994 to 2007, the Warriors did not make the playoffs under Cohan. Under Cohan, the team has had nine head coaches and did not have a winning season until the 2006-2007 season."

Not only has Cohan been abjectly unavailing in his duties to oversee the franchise, he also, evidently, has a reputation for being a tremendously unlikable, cantankerous, and borderline sociopathic asshole. The Wiki entry continues:

"Chris Cohan sued his business partners to gain sole ownership of the Golden State Warriors in 1994. The Warriors were a popular, 50-win team at the time, and soon turned into a nationally ridiculed loser. Not only that, there was a long list of parties dragged into civil courtrooms by "Cohan the Contrarian" which included his stockbroker, life insurance agent, and primary attorney. Hard to believe, but all were longtime friends. One was the best man at Cohan's wedding and another a groomsman."

Safe to say that few tears have been shed over Cohan's continued legal troubles, including an ongoing tax-evasion investigation by the IRS, which likely is the catalyst behind Cohan's sudden urgency to sell the team. One must, at least, wonder. Cohan's timing is certainly peculiar, in that the NBA's morbid financial outlook is public knowledge at this point – bad, to say the least, and perhaps getting desperate if one is to believe what one reads – and thus the value of its teams are likewise depressed. That said, given Cohan's history of business decisions, selling the franchise low would be precisely the kind of thing we should expect.

But how low, as they say, can you go? BASM gets about 30 regular readers a day. Let's say we all throw in 2 G's – that's 60 large right there. I know a pharmacist in Pacheco who can get a bunch of Vic's and some Xanax at wholesale, and who also happens to owe me a pretty big favor. If I play my cards right I can probably get another 10 G out of the pills. I figure, among BASM's readers and our various revenue sources, we should be able to come up with like, maybe $100,000 all told. That should be enough for a fairly sizable minority share. Then we use that leverage to encourage Cohan to sell the remaining sum to someone we can control from behind the scenes, a sort of J. Howard Marshall like figure who can be manipulated through the ruse of a willing, preferably buxom, ingenue. This plan is not so far fetched.

A better option, anyway, than Larry Ellison, who, by all accounts, is a megalomaniac hellbent on controlling the entire universe. That, I do not want.